DISCLAIMER: The Zircon staff is an industrious and talented group of people who are sincerely full of #@it. Therefore, take thee not a word uttered or written by this dastardly bunch seriously. The Zircon pages, aside from their obvious humor value, are worth a mere fraction of their printing cost. Happy reading, live long and prosper, may the road rise up to…
Dair Janekin—Staff Writer
Dordt College is known for having a 99.7% employment rate for students after graduation. However, a recent Zircon investigation has revealed that students majoring in art have not been calculated into this percentage.
“Art majors just don’t get jobs,” Justine Cash from Dordt’s Marketing Department explained. “They would make the percentage go way down, and it would ruin our marketing campaign.”
This comes as devastating news to art majors. Some, like senior Des Ine, are determined to prove the marketing department wrong.
“Just because I don’t use my brain as much as all those engineering students, doesn’t mean I’m not going to get employed,” Ine said. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to get a job. It may be a job as a cashier at Walmart where I won’t even use my degree . . . but it will still be a job.”
In contrast, others like junior Pastel Canvas, seem to have accepted their lot in life.
“I’m an art major,” Canvas said. She shrugged her shoulders and added, “I’m not going anywhere in life. But at least my apartment will be pretty.”
Still others have decided to transfer to another college where their major is actually taken into account.
“They’ll regret it when they have no new artwork to hang on the walls,” predicted senior Char Coal on his break from cleaning the lint out of the dryers at the laundromat. “Then they’ll see our worth.”
As Dordt rarely changes the art displayed around campus, Cash does not think this will be a huge problem.
In an attempt to placate all the incensed art students, the marketing department has decided to throw a cake-decorating party for all art majors. “Art students like decorating cakes, right?” Cash said.
The party will be held in the art gallery at 7 p.m. on Dec. 5.