Dordt Deals becomes black market for stolen skateboards

DISCLAIMER: The Zircon staff is an industrious and talented group of people who are sincerely full of #@it. Therefore, take thee not a word uttered or written by this dastardly bunch seriously. The Zircon pages, aside from their obvious humor value, are worth a mere fraction of their printing cost. Happy reading, live long and prosper, may the road rise up to…

Elle Inad–Staff Writer

Dordt Security caught the Skateboard Thief red-handed last Thursday when issuing him a parking ticket in an “employee only” zone, ending his well-devised, grand money-making scheme on Dordt Deals.

The thief, Dordt junior Bo Riley, was attempting to fit two skateboards into the back of his blue Ford car when Fara Way, a campus security member, approached him with a parking ticket that “wasn’t even totally valid,” according to Riley.

When Way noticed the skateboards and the awkward way Riley was trying to hide them with his body, she immediately pin-pointed him as the thief that had been selling students’ skateboards on the public Facebook page, Dordt Deals.

“I couldn’t just let him get away with it, you know?” said Way. “Those skateboards are like some students’ children.”

The issue of the Skateboard Thief first arose a week ago when Student Services received complaints from multiple Dordt students about skateboards being stolen on campus and reappearing online at Dordt Deals.

“Before class my skateboard was here,” said freshman May Chapman, pointing to a spot along the brick wall of the classroom building. “But when I came back, it was gone.”

Many other students shared the same confused experience.

It turns out that Way had only discovered the first part of Riley’s elaborate scheme Thursday morning. In order to pay tuition, Riley had come up with a plan, which included stealing a couple of skateboards each day and then selling them back to students at an inflated rate on Dordt Deals using an encrypted Facebook profile.

“The ‘about’ section on the Dordt Deals page says that you can put any personal items on the page,” Riley said in a final statement to Dordt officials. “I just found a bunch of abandoned skateboards and said, ‘finders keepers.’”

Dordt’s course of action against Riley remains to be seen. If students are missing skateboards and have not seen them on Dordt Deals yet, they are invited to check out the lost and found, which is where the apprehended skateboards will be placed.

disclaimer.april27,1995

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