Food poisoning strikes the Commons

DISCLAIMER: The Zircon staff is an industrious and talented group of people who are sincerely full of #@it. Therefore, take thee not a word uttered or written by this dastardly bunch seriously. The Zircon pages, aside from their obvious humor value, are worth a mere fraction of their printing cost. Happy reading, live long and prosper, may the road rise up to…

Elle Inad–Staff Writer

After investigation, the Dordt Student Health and Counseling Center connected over 25 student cases of food poisoning to the Commons last Friday.

Food poisoning, though not fatal in any way, usually results in uncomfortable symptoms such as stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Although it has no cure, numerous students have still flooded the Student Health and Counseling Center seeking help.

In an effort to staunch the flow of panicked students in the lower level of the Campus Center, the Student Health and Counseling Center staff has been working with the Commons’ staff to find the root of the problem.

“Was it the chicken? The carrots? The lettuce? I mean, lettuce seems to be a common issue in the U.S. these days,” said Carter Figgins, a Commons staff worker.

While it is still unclear what food at the Commons has been contaminated, students are encouraged to still eat regular meals there.

“Keep a tight list of what you eat every day. And when something affects your stomach negatively, narrow the list down accordingly and tell us immediately,” said Dani Richards, a Student Health and Counseling staff worker.

Kay Oakley, a Dordt sophomore, described the whole situation as “yucky,” “intolerable,” and “a chance to skip class, at least.”

George Hays, a freshman, agreed. “It absolutely sucks, but at least you can stay in your bed and watch Netflix until it goes away.”

Because of the severe onslaught of food poisoning cases, Dordt officials have decided to make several upgrades to the Commons’ kitchens, which will assist in both efficient work and cleanliness.

Commons worker and freshman Hasley Reynolds says the improvements will not stop there. “I’ve heard rumors that they are going to add in a gourmet grilled cheese bar!” she said. “Maybe some Italian cuisine?”

Whether the rumors are true or not, Dordt students should remember to track their meals when they visit the Commons and immediately report any unusual symptoms to the Student Health and Counseling Center staff.

disclaimer.april27,1995

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