Sheep scandal rocks ag dept.

DISCLAIMER: The Zircon staff is an industrious and talented group of people who are sincerely full of #@it. Therefore, take thee not a word uttered or written by this dastardly bunch seriously. The Zircon pages, aside from their obvious humor value, are worth a mere fraction of their printing cost. Happy reading, live long and prosper, may the road rise up to…

Capra Ovium–Staff Writer

Hidden Cameras: Ewe won’t believe what happens next…

After Kevin Murphy spoke in chapel on Wednesday, a group of anonymous students set up hidden cameras at the Dordt farm, located a mile outside of town, to reveal what kind of treatment the animals were receiving. What they found was disturbing. One camera was set up in the barn, where pregnant ewes are currently being held against their will until they give birth to their lambs.

The sheep, which are not owned by the Dordt College farm, were allegedly kidnapped from a local farmer’s flock. The students discovered that once the ewes had lambed, the cutest lambs would be used for the creation of a 13 month “cute animals” calendar. This has caused quite a stir on campus, as the lambs have not given consent for their image to be spread publicly. The sheep are outraged, as the funds raised from this calendar would be used to help pay for the theater building, a project which will not help the sheep.

Dolly Dorper is a local sheep who wants to have her voice herd. She had this to say at a recent protest in front of the commons: “This is wooly baa-ad for Dordt College. Stop the woolves in sheep’s clothing!”

Mike Shoutin, the farm manager at Dordt, claims the sheep are on loan from a farmer as a learning opportunity for students. This provides the farmer a welcome rest from lambing duties. “I just don’t understand what the fuss is about,” he said. “Anyone is welcome to come out here to see what’s going on.”

Some students theorize that this was the plan all along, as the sheep would have been hidden in plain sight.

Dordt student Matt Scully claims this was the perfect cover as the sheep were hidden “in plain sight” and that the Dordt Ag department really “pulled the wool over our eyes.”

Dane Bayma, a long-time faculty member Dordt, is shocked by the turn of events. “It just really gets my goat about the whole thing, ewe can’t trust anyone these days.”

The matter will most likely come up at a panel discussion at the next Doubt Night scheduled for Wednesday at 8 p.m. in SB1606. No charges had been pressed at the time of printing.

disclaimer.april27,1995

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