Bribery scandal brings Dordt to #2 in engagement

DISCLAIMER: The Zircon staff is an industrious and talented group of people who are sincerely full of #@it. Therefore, take thee not a word uttered or written by this dastardly bunch seriously. The Zircon pages, aside from their obvious humor value, are worth a mere fraction of their printing cost. Happy reading, live long and prosper, may the road rise up to…

Honor Tanning Bed – Staff Writer 

Bribery is the latest charge being processed against Dordt College after an extensive Zircon investigation which revealed that the Dordt administration bribed the Wall Street Journal to retain its #1 ranking in student engagement.

The Zircon found information that indicates a wide-reaching effort by the Dordt College administration to alter the results of the annual ranking of student engagement at U.S. colleges. President Erik Hoekstra, Dean of Students Robert Taylor, Vice President Howard Wilson and Provost Eric Forseth all stand accused of being knowing accomplices to the bribery plot.

dordt student engagement

Photo by Darude Sandystorm

The suspects were all reached for comment; however, only one chose to respond. Howard Wilson issued a statement, saying, “We don’t believe bribery culture exists on our campus. It’s just not who we are.”

 

Dordt College actually finished second in this year’s ranking of student engagement; the rightful first place finisher was Oklahoma Baptist University. OBU released a statement saying, “We are grateful that The Zircon has exposed this injustice. Oklahoma Baptist University would never bow to the level of cowardice that Dordt College has. We encourage every one of their students to transfer to Oklahoma Baptist University to show the administration at Dordt that this kind of immorality will not be tolerated by any student.”

Dordt students have taken the news of the bribery to heart. Some have already begun considering a transfer to Oklahoma Baptist, such as their statement suggested. Senior Gick Neels said, “I only have one semester left, but I think that being at a college that is number one in engagement is extremely important. I’ll be transferring to OBU and I don’t have any regrets about it.”

Though the actual amount of money included in the bribe is not known for sure, it is rumored to have been between $5 and $15.

The author of the Wall Street Journal article, Melissa Korn, corroborated the reports that they received a bribe on the part of Dordt College after being pressured for information. Korn also revealed that she used the bribery money to purchase a large coffee and a bagel from Starbucks. The Zircon advisor on economics, Warren Buffet, confirmed to The Zircon that this was a solid investment.

The Dordt College administration will conduct an internal review of their practices and release the results of their own investigation on December 32nd. The review is aimed at finding exactly who delivered the funds and who knew about the payment, promising swift action against the offenders. The future punishment has not been finalized, but it is believed that the violators will be forced to work at a school that
lacks student engagement in Orange City, Iowa. It is yet to be seen whether this issue will be a small bump in the road for Dordt, or if it will be a more significant problem. This scandal could have a long-lasting impact during a very important time for the administration, as they guide the college through a name change to Dordt University.

disclaimer.april27,1995

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