This article was published in our bimonthly satire issue: The Zircon.
Sheese Bakaddit—Staff Writer
Ding-ding. An email notification broke the silence during the CORE-140 exam. Super senior Emily Richfield glanced at her phone and stowed it away in her backpack until lunch.
“We get mass emails all the time lately,” Richfield said. “Nothing urgent.”
But was it a typical mass email? Not quite. Her reaction might have been different if she had known what confidential information it contained.
Plans for the construction of a wall between Dordt and Northwestern have been in the making since March 2017. Progress on the project came to a halt last week when news of the wall’s true purpose was leaked. A faculty member accidentally sent a mass email to all Dordt students rather than hitting “reply” to a fellow professor.
According to the email, the real purpose of the wall is to block the world from corrupting the college. Dordt’s administration plans to quarantine students from any outside views, preaching only the Reformed perspective. All First Monday speakers will undergo extensive background checks. Campus security will patrol 24/7 — yes, even on Sundays — to seal the borders from anyone with radical beliefs.
In a news conference last spring, President Erik Hoekstra told the Dordt community that the wall would be built to prevent Northwestern students from sneaking across the border in search of opportunity. This notion held for months, slowly gaining support and donations. By simply hitting “send,” a faculty member caused this progress to come to an abrupt stop. Just weeks before a ground-breaking ceremony for the wall was to be held, its true purpose has been made public and the campus community is divided.
Many students are on edge. Some are in the process of packing up and transferring to more open-minded schools, arguing that at Dordt, there is no “world” in “worldview.”
Reporters spoke to super-fresh freshman Eric Kathalick as he finished putting the last cardboard box of belongings into his car.
“I need to get out while I can, and you should, too. They’re cutting us off from everything non-Reformed. Worldview, huh? What a bunch of hypocrites.”
Other students and faculty still stand behind the building project with full support.
“I grew up in the church — I’m a purebred Christian Reformer,” super sophomore Kristin Vander Stiff said. “If we want to raise future generations of uncorrupted youth, we need to start by separating ourselves from the real world.”
With this as the biggest controversy since mandatory upperclassmen meal plans, emotions are high and many feel betrayed by administration.
Dordt officials released a statement yesterday, apologizing for the “misunderstanding”: “Here at Dordt, we want you to find your place in God’s world. Dordt is exactly that — God’s world. We’re just putting a wall around it to keep it exactly where it should be.”