This article was published in our bimonthly satire issue: The Zircon.
Klarissa Crayonedge – Staff Writer
This week, Dordt’s athletic director Ross Douma announced a new way for funds to be allocated for athletic teams. Funding will now be based upon performance of each individual team, with the better teams getting more money for frivolities such as light-up shoes and blinged-out warmups.
“We went back to the books and decided this was the best way to reward teams’ performance,” Douma said. “I see it as a good thing. It’ll give teams incentive to play well on the field or court, especially if they want those extra privileges.”
This new policy will go into effect next school year, after the athletic department can evaluate each teams’ performance for their respective seasons. Coaches will also need to submit proposals to Douma for how they would use their extra funding. With the football team improving each year, head football coach Joel Penner is already thinking of things he can spend the money on.
“Since the moment I arrived on campus, I always thought it would be cool to paint the football field Dordt gold,” Penner said.
Other teams are looking forward to ways they can use the money to push their competitive advantage above that of the competition. Nothing is final yet, but volleyball and basketball fans can look forward to having some kind of anti-Northwestern display in the De Witt for the 2018 season.
However some graduating seniors are upset that they’ll miss out on this new opportunity for their teams. Rest assured, Douma said, that alumni can come visit anytime. Even though they’ll have graduated, the legacy they’ve built up will last far beyond this year – and will be seen on some of the playing fields.
“Their work will not go unnoticed,” Douma said. “If it weren’t for the work they’ve put in during their four years here, this policy might not even be possible. And they are invited back anytime to see what improvements have been made for their former teams. #DEFENDERNATION.”
Douma encourages all players and coaches to begin working on their proposals now, as they will need a significant amount of time to be reviewed before approval and for logistics to be worked out.