This article was published in our bimonthly satire issue: The Zircon.
Madi Handsome—Staff Writer
A member of the Dordt College marketing department was recently brought under fire for not meeting specified requirements in the development of the college’s annual calendar.
Kim Hooyer, who has worked in marketing for the college for the better part of a decade, had been appointed with the task of making the calendar early in the summer. It was her first time leading the project.
“I was very excited for the challenge,” Hooyer said. “I had been working toward the project for several years.”
Unfortunately, Hooyer’s dream of crafting the all-important Dordt calendar came crashing down after the first draft was reviewed.
“I didn’t see the reprimand coming at all,” said Hooyer when reflecting on that ill-fated day. “I’ve been in a state of shock since.”
The problem with Hooyer’s calendar was not a misprint of dates, events or anything of the sort. Rather, Hooyer had failed to place the required amount of international students in the calendar itself.
For several years now, Dordt College has attempted to break away from the idea that the school is comprised primarily of white students with a Dutch heritage. One way it has done so is by promoting itself as a campus full of diversity with an increased amount of international students being featured on praise teams, music competitions and in Dordt publications; including the calendar.
If one were to look over the Dordt website, they notice a disproportionate amount of international students being represented. In fact, this is no mere coincidence, Hooyer claimed. Hooyer was told to include a picture of at least one international student in eight out of the twelve months.
“I knew what the requirements were beforehand, everyone knows what they are,” Hooyer admitted. “I just thought I’d toe the line a little.”
She went on to explain that she does not have any issue with Dordt’s international student population. As a matter of fact, she has acted as a host family to students from South Korea, Indonesia and the Netherlands in recent years.
“If anything, I want to see more international students on campus,” Hooyer said.
Unfortunately, Hooyer will likely not have the opportunity to add more international students into the calendar. The marketing department has a strict “one strike, you’re out” policy, so it is possible that Hooyer will not be given the chance to make up for her mistakes. Common disciplines for such negligence in the past have been being forced to pull leaves off trees to hurry fall along into pleasant Iowa winters, and changing all clocks on campus to run three minutes fast so that notoriously late students can make it to classes on time.