This article was published in our bimonthly satire issue: The Zircon.
Boaty McBoatface- Staff Writer
Acting talents probe modern sports world through art of “flopping”
It’s seen in the “Not Top Ten” highlights of every Friday night episode of ESPN’s SportsCenter as athletes across the globe employ a newly-developed form of acting in sports… flopping.
This new art form has been most noticeable in soccer and basketball.
In what has become an almost daily occurrence, sports fans see players like Brazil’s international men’s soccer superstar, Neymar, flailing his body 10 yards across the pitch while writhing in pain after suffering an apparent quadruple spiral fracture to his left big toe.
This all was the result of being “tripped” by a defenseman on the opposing team.
NBA fans see LeBron James driving into the lane and proceeding to throw the basketball into the second deck while he ends up critically injuring five reporters from Sports Illustrated and USA Today under the hoop. This is a perfect example of the “flopping” concept.
This all resulted from James claiming to have been “bumped” by Brook Lopez in his attempt to lay the ball in the net.
“He knew what he was doing,” James said. “He needs to be fined for throwing me into the deck like that.”
This occurrence has been so common for LeBron James that it has been called “Lebron-ing” by sports fans all over social media for the past few years.
While LeBron is known for his flopping, this art form seems to have started on European basketball teams, according to flopping expert senior Kyle Guinn.
“Flopping began in European basketball leagues and has slowly transitioned to the NBA,” Guinn said.
This art has spread from the players in soccer and basketball to the coaches as soccer coaches across the globe have adapted their coaching techniques to include the art of flopping.
The most notable was a soccer coach that presumably “died” on the field after a confrontation with officials.
This soccer coach disagreed with officials and preceded to grab his neck as if choking and fell to his knees because of the egregious mistake on the part of the officials. The coach then collapsed face-first into the grass and laid there as if dead.
It is only a matter of time before this style of acting translates to other sports, like football. It has been reported that Dez Bryant has been working on his flopping skills after dropping several passes in crucial playoff games.
“I think it’s needed,” Bryant said. “Especially for guys like me who struggle to catch a ball when it’s thrown right at my hands.”
According to reports from the Dordt College Athletic Department, athletes will soon be required to follow in the footsteps of pro athletes.
Beginning in the fall of 2018, the Health and Human Performance Department will be requiring all athletes to take HHP 101- Flopping in Sports to teach athletes how to flop in their specific sports.
It is unclear to what extent this will reach through Dordt athletics, but faculty and administration are looking forward to this addition to the curriculum.