This article was published in our bimonthly satire issue: The Zircon.
Dogood Silence— Staff Writer
The Dordt Forensics club will be hosting a showcase for some of their work this Wednesday evening.
The event, which took place at 4pm in CL#1144 on Wednesday the 15th, included eight of the Individual Event (IE) participants.
The 8-10 minute presentations include a variety of styles including poetry, after-dinner speaking, prose, and informative speaking.
- Prose – DaNae Can’t Hull
- After-Dinner Speaking – Bethany Minivan Eps
- Prose – Cole Wynjqydhsi
- Poetry – Emma Stoltzzzzzfus
- Informative Speaking – Holly Testerwoman
- Prose – Emily Schuiteperson
- Poetry – Anna Heathens
- Prose – Anne Wrong
Topics range from the mundane to the absurd, with previous exhibitions (held twice monthly) featuring poems describing the virtues of post-it notes, after-dinner speeches on the fashion and functionality of sweater vests, prose readings from the book of Revelations, and informative speeches on the history of kazoos.
Forensics is filled with traditions that make very little sense.
For example, speakers are often discouraged from actually reading off the binders that many IE styles require the speaker to hold. In parliamentary debate, if someone wishes to ask a question of the speaker mid-debate, they must stand with one hand outstretched and the other resting on their head until recognized. This has caused some confusion in previous events where the practice was not made known to a Dordt debater before they went up to the podium.
In addition, Forensics members are required to keep to a strict dress code of togas and powdered wigs all day, every day. This requirement is meant to aid students in understanding the perspectives of other famous rhetoricians and speakers like Socrates, Thomas Jefferson, Melania Trump and Britney Spears.
Dordt’s Forensics club also includes a debate team, but they will be unavailable for the exhibition. Reports indicate the debaters have a previous engagement to petition Student Symposium for a larger budget.