Merry Christmas and Crappy New Year

Belinda Eeyore

Imagine yourself, a poor college student, walking through the aisles of Walmart just two days after Halloween, looking for some cheap candy. While looking for Halloween candy, you stop for a minute because you hear what sounds like Christmas music. You think to yourself, “It can’t be Christmas music already. It’s only two days after Halloween.” But sure enough – it is Christmas music. Then, to your surprise, while wandering throughout the store, you find that there’s no leftover discounted candy to be found. At all!

After giving up the solo search, you finally hunt down a Walmart employee to ask for help. To your despair, they tell you they’re already sold out of Halloween candy, but they do have full-price Christmas candy.

So what happened to Thanksgiving? There are more Christmas decorations out there than you can throw a stick at.

Sofia Martinez, a valued Walmart customer, just recently moved to the United States from Mexico and mentioned that she always buys discounted candy for her children, as well as for her nieces and nephews. She also liked to stock up on the discounted costumes for them to use the next year, but they were sold out of those, too.

With Thanksgiving about a week away, all of these crazy truths are even more true. Everything “pumpkin spice” will soon turn into “peppermint spice.” Starbucks has already brought out their red and green cups for Christmas. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas of what to get your special someone for Christmas, no worries – you have about two full months to look at all the different options to get them. The preview magazines usually come out before Halloween and then the gifts will be available for the next several months.

But we can’t forget about Black Friday. You have probably already seen ads going around the past couple weeks showing all the good deals you can attempt to get –as long as you don’t get trampled. Thousands of other people are rushing around, too— trying to get the best deals on items that will be just as cheap, if not cheaper, after the holiday season.

Merna Vandenberg, a 58-year-old Walmart employee, said she used to always love Christmastime until she started working at Walmart nearly 3 years ago. Now, instead of being enchanted by Christmas, she almost dreads it. She has to listen to Christmas music for two and a half months, knowing all seven songs by heart thanks to the endless repetition, and she has to listen to parents complain when they’re sold out of “the only toy little Timmy wanted for Christmas.”

Honestly, the simplest solution would be to move the holiday up a month to save us all the prolonged pain. Stores wouldn’t have to worry about decorating early. After all, they already decorated for Christmas on Nov. 1.

Candy cane streamers are everywhere. Next thing you know, we’ll see lawn decorations of Santa Clause and his reindeer and elves in yards long before the first actual snow, even while there are still leaves on the ground. Maybe before there are leaves on the ground.

This article was taken from the Zircon issue of The Dordt Diamond

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