Paying for food while living in the apartments is tough. Like, super hard. I have been eating Ramen noodles for the past three weeks. Morale is low and the troops are suffering. There are dirty dishes piled high in the sink and I don’t even know what food they’re from, because I haven’t eaten anything in so long. It’s like they’re mocking me, telling me that I could have some real food if only I’d go to Walmart and pay for groceries. That pile of dishes is a memorial of stubbornness that hurts me each time I walk out the door.
Maybe I could go to the Commons and use those five ever-so-helpful meals I get each week, but that sometimes seems even more daunting than preparing my own food. I would have to walk all the way across campus, straining my poor little legs from their normal position on my couch. Once there, I would not only have to eat the food offered there, but I’d likely sit at a table with another person and probably socialize with some freshman or something. I get shivers just thinking about the possibility.
But lo and behold, a hope rises in the distance! See him, our blessed hero, shine and bring us justice! From the great land of Hull, IA, he has come to deliver me and my fellow sufferers from our torturous lives. He has come to save us!
Johnny VanMan has risen to the occasion and decided to bring help for the malnourished college students. Last week, he realized what a widespread epidemic this has become, and he decided to become not the hero people deserve, but the one they need.
After one of his roommates moved out last year, VanMan was overwhelmed with the possibilities for the other half of the bedroom. He could have turned it into an additional TV space for when his suitemates tell him to “watch anime somewhere else” because “it’s weird,” or it could have become a spot for his action figures to be displayed. But sitting in his kitchen eating the last cup of Ramen in his pantry, it struck him. He could do some real good for the community with this extra space.
So VanMan took all his money out of the bank and generously spent that fifty dollars on food items. He got mostly cheap stuff like Ramen and saltines, but he also splurged on a few healthy options as well. After packing his purchases into his vehicle in the Walmart parking lot, he estimated that he had “like, ten pounds of baby carrots and bottles of ranch, a ton of apples, some grapes and even a few bags of lettuce.”
He also dragged the spare fridge he used for his root beer into the room and set up a pantry. After he was happy with the finished product, he used Microsoft Word to create some really snazzy posters advertising his food pantry and hung them up around school — after getting them approved by Student Services, of course.
Visit Johnny VanMan the next time you’re feeling low nourishment-wise, and he’ll help you survive.
This article was taken from the Zircon issue of The Dordt Diamond