Extreme Dutch bingo: Oh, brother, THERE art thou

Elleley Cammuizinga

Many of us have found relatives at Dordt we never knew existed, all thanks to Dutch bingo. But all of the Dutch bingo stories shared over stroopwafels and fancy tea are nothing compared to the experience of junior English major Jenna Vanderslaag.

She found a sibling.

“People on campus have been, like, telling us we, like, look alike for almost two years,” Vanderslaag admitted. “I just, like, wow, I can’t believe I, like, found a brother, you know? I’ve wanted a brother for, like, ever. Soli Deo gloria, right?”

Her long-lost sibling turned out to be none other than fellow student and senior English major Ryan Van Derslaag (the space is silent).

“We met in one of those department meeting things that no one ever goes to. Apparently, she’s my long-lost sister or something?” Van Derslaag said. “Not long-lost enough, I guess, ‘cause she found me.”

Years of couch-potato living and a pizza-only diet stunted Van Derslaag’s growth long ago, making him a year older and nearly a foot shorter than Vanderslaag.

“A little brother,” Vanderslaag says. “That’s how it works, right? I don’t, like, know these things. I watched The Parent Trap, like, four times, but there’s no manual for suddenly, like, finding a sibling. Maybe I’ll, like, totally write one.”

As it turns out, Vanderslaag was accidentally left behind at the hospital and had been taken home by one of the night nurses. The nurse, curiously named Vanderslaag, assumed the child was hers when she noticed the label on the basket.

“I think it’s because they, like, misspelled my name or something,” Vanderslaag said. “The space is really important. Like, crucial.”

It should be noted that children are not normally placed in baskets and labelled at hospitals anymore, strictly to prevent situations like this. Research shows that the exact same thing has happened at hospitals near rival colleges Northwestern, Calvin and Hope, each with a different name but the same tragic story.

“It’s sad to think that, like, this has, like, happened all over the place,” said Vanderslaag. “I mean, it was really fun to figure out I had, like, a little brother, but I wish I had, like, known him longer. Had the chance to, like, do his hair when he was too young to care, and make him watch rom-com movies with me, like, all the time.”

“I’m really glad I didn’t meet her sooner,” said Van Derslaag. “Actually, given the choice, I’d probably have postponed the meeting a couple more years. There’s only so many ‘likes’ I can take. I’m not a Facebook status.”

This article was taken from the Zircon issue of The Dordt Diamond

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