Tom Cruise’s taller, Lutheran brother – Staff Writer
In a true moment of academic deja vu, Dordt students were told this week that they would have to start their college careers over again. Mass rage and weeping began as Eric Hoekstra, President of Dordt College, made the announcement to a full BJ Haan auditorium on Wednesday.
“This news hurts for all of us,” said Hoekstra. “We have to band together and just work through it.”
The announcement came after the closing of registration for next year’s classes. Brian Van Donselaar, director of computer services blamed the catastrophe on the clumsiness of a freshman work study.
“The student-worker was bringing me a cup of coffee from the break room,” said Van Donselaar, “when he tripped over the power cord for the server, unplugging it.”
Van Donselaar explained that not only was the machine unplugged but the coffee was also spilled on it, frying the internal components of the server. The server in question was the one that held the information concerning the classes everyone was registered for, as well as the classes that students had yet to take.
“All of our information was deleted,” said Van Donselaar,” and since we only have digital copies, we have no way of knowing who has done what.”
This news means that each student must start their first year all over again and retake all classes required for their major. This will mean a complete four year redo for some students. Registrar Jim Bos said that this event has created the largest freshman class on record.
“We are very proud of our new enrollment numbers,” said Bos. “Hopefully these numbers will spark a trend for the future. We’d love this many students in every freshman class.”
This change of plan means that college will cost much more than most students had anticipated.
“Unfortunately, we can’t just let people retake those years for free,” said Hoekstra. “In fact, repairs to the server and the man hours needed to rebuild our records means that tuition will actually increase several thousand dollars.”
This news was especially traumatizing for Dordt’s senior class, many of whom had plans for the months following their upcoming graduation.
“This is total bogus,” said senior engineering major Zach Wensink. “I was supposed to get married next year; I even had a job lined up.”
Wensink and other seniors have started a petition to at least get their redo years for free.
“It wasn’t our fault,” said Wensink. “Why should we have to pay for some idiot freshman’s mistake?”
Robert Taylor, dean of campus life, highlighted some of the over looked upsides of this controversial news.
“Hey, at least students will bond over this experience,” said Taylor. “This will create the best community we’ve ever had!”
Despite the optimism of the administration, most students are unconvinced and remain angry.