Phil’s Philosophy

Your Therapist – Columnist

PhilThis week, there have been a lot of “dealing with stress” posters around campus. They outline ways to cope with and avoid stress. Getting exercise, eating well, getting comfy and other healthy-sounding habits are listed as ways to deal with the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing with your life, or the fact that you have a paper due tomorrow that you haven’t started yet. These ideas all sound really nice, but I think they offer a view of only one side of the coin. There is an alternative way to deal with stress. Just give in. Let it take over and run your life.

The moment you give into stress, all your problems will go away. If you let your stress take over, you won’t care if that paper is due tomorrow, because your mind will be totally cracked; you will fall into a life of blissfully insane dysfunction. All those assignments and money problems that you think you have right now will disappear if you just let yourself go nuts.

People will be gracious to you in life because of your mental state; your grades won’t go down as far as they could if you battled with stress; the government and the school will forgive your loans because, now that you’re insane, they know you’ll never get a job to pay them back. Even your parents will look at you moving back into the basement as positive because, as they’ll explain to their friends and coworkers. “It’s really the best thing considering what you’ve been through, you poor dear.” You’ll be able to live at home, play video games and never worry about school or anything again.

Another upside to giving into stress is that it opens up opportunities for your classmates. If you go crazy, you’ll be out of the running for countless classes, jobs, housing options and even future spouses that your were previously competing for. The people around you will thank you for getting out of the way of their dreams. By removing yourself from the competition surrounding college life, you make life easier and make the world a better place for others. Why not redeem the rat race by making it easier on others? Every square inch, right?

So, this exam season, just let stress take care of your problems. Instead of trying to fight your way through the stress, let it take you down the easy road.

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