Megan Kaiser – Staff Writer
Spring break. AM I RIGHT?! Now that I have that out of the way, I have to admit to you, I did not go watch any newly released films over break. I HAD NO INTEREST IN SEEING NEED FOR SPEED. If I really wanted the Need for Speed experience, I would have strapped a NOS tank to the bottom of my 2003 red Ford Taurus. Or my Razor scooter. Whatever. Either way, those options would have been more worth my time. Plus, I didn’t want to be a third wheel with my brother and his girlfriend.
To share some insight into my world, my family just invested in a Dish network system this past year. If that isn’t surprising, maybe the fact that we owned a Windows 95 till 2003 will get a bigger point across. Of course my family would get Dish AFTER I graduated from high school, and then proceed to turn my room into a workout area. OK, so my personal perimeter did not get turned into a room to pump immense amounts of iron, but over break I had to adjust to the fact that we now had more than 20 channels. Rather than reviewing a film, I wanted to throw down some facts that I came across while growing accustomed to this new way of “life” in the Kaiser household. So here goes a review of the Dish network system by a first-timer.
- 200 plus channels, and some days it still felt like nothing was worth watching.
Oh good! Story of my whole life. You would think that with the extra variety I would be able to find something to spark my interest. Not the case. I would find myself clicking guide every five minutes. For you, maybe the wider range of channels is good, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you are going to find something more worth your time compared to regular TV.
- I am 10 years too late when it comes to the Disney channel.
Over break, yeah, I may have meandered to the Disney channel every now and then. I wasn’t impressed. Something about a dog that has a blog and a show about twin sisters where one is famous and the other one isn’t? Pretty sure that’s just a rip off of Hannah Montana. Sorry that I’m a That’s So Raven and Recess kind of gal. The current shows on the Disney channel seem like punishment in my opinion. Also over break, I saw a commercial with Lizzie McGuire’s dad in it. He still looks the same.
- Guy Fieri looks like a sea anemone.
I’ve never watched the Food Network till this year. Growing up, my only exposure to cooking shows were America’s Test Kitchen and Julia Child on PBS. As a whole, the Food Network is quite fascinating! Apparently it’s possible to create a 105-pound burger. If it is possible to eat the whole thing and not implode, well, you’re asking the wrong person. The only beef I have is with Guy Fieri. That dude is still sporting a 1998 hair-do along with gross Hawaiian shirts that went out of style when they hit the market. I’m all about nonconformity and being yourself but BRO. FROSTED TIPS ARE OUT. NSYNC auditions are over.
- DVR’s aren’t worth my time.
Yes DVR’s, in your opinion, are probably heaven sent. You don’t have to go out, buy a VHS, and then proceed to figure out how to record a TV show the old fashioned way. Aren’t you blessed. Personally, I didn’t jive with our DVR. I would record stuff and NEVER get around to watching it. I recorded movies and watched how many of them? None of them. Loss of interest? Forgetting that I recorded it? There are plenty of factors.
Now, I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Dish is neat. I was excited when I found out all of that jazz would be installed, but it is just regular television glorified. The amount of commercials is the same and instead of one Disney channel there are four. Whatever. Something that I do like is the amount of movies that get played. Movies would only play on weekends or once in a blue moon for me, and they usually weren’t very good. Like really terrible Lifetime movies.
On the flipside of it, don’t get so wrapped up in 200 plus channels. Watching middle-aged women teach you how to boil raw cabbage will only get you so far. Don’t forget to stretch your legs and enjoy this thing called the outdoors. Don’t be afraid to get a little Vitamin D. I know it is currently a little tough with the weather in all, but it’s called a jacket.
Invest in one.
You go to school in Iowa, so if you don’t already have one…
You have suffered.
DISH: 3 out of 5 stars