Darin Lammers, Kyle Dykema – Columnists
Darin: It’s sort of cramped in this bathroom. I’m really squished in this corner.
Kyle: Well, we sort of wrote ourselves into this corner.
Darin: Yeah, but we didn’t have to go through with it.
Kyle: BUT THE FANS EXPECT IT!
Darin: Kyle, I don’t think we have fans.
Kyle: YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT.
Darin: Well, I’m sort of uncomfortable being in here, so flush this, let’s get out.
Kyle and Darin sneak out of KP22 satisfyingly.
Darin: They’ll never know we were here.
Kyle: Except when they read this article.
Darin: Wait, erase that last line I said!
Kyle: Darin. This is live. There are no take-backs.
Kyle: Okay. So we need a subject. We can’t just screw around the whole time.
Darin: Fine. You know what I want to talk about?
Kyle: I got it. Corn. Iowans love it.
Darin: No, silly boy. Danny boy. Little boy. What I want to talk about is Super Bowl Commercials. Specifically something I noticed about them.
Kyle: Cool, sounds good to me. What did you notice?
Darin: I have mixed feelings about the Super Bowl commercials. Honestly I don’t remember too many of them, although the most memorable one was a local commercial for ‘Combined Pool and Spa’… (it’s hilarious, if you haven’t seen it, look it up online). I dunno, I just didn’t see much originality and diversity in the commercials this year. It’s something I really look forward to during the Super Bowl, and for some reason I wasn’t really impressed. Some commercials were obviously trying to be funny or memorable with cute animals, celebrities, or catchy songs… but it seemed very shallow to me and very formulaic.
Kyle: Yeah. It might be because I’m just getting tired of it, but every year the commercials matter less to me. There might be one or two that I can applaud for creativity, but in the end they’re just trying to sell me something, and it’s hard to get past that. This year there was certainly a formula when it came to a few car commercials. Step 1: Shoot a bunch of beautiful footage. Step 2: Write a vague but sort of powerful monologue. Step 3: Get a cool voice to read it over the beautiful footage. There’s your commercial. It got old.
Darin: Yup. Well, that’s enough “serious” content to fill up this column, don’t you think?
Kyle: Feels about right to me.
Darin: Now we exit on a few more laughs. Like always.
Kyle: Stop giving away our formula! They’ll know we have no creativity!
Darin: Whoops! Uh…what do I do?
Kyle: Quick, distract them!
Darin: Uh, hey! Look out behind you! It’s Caleb Vanderhill!
Caleb: Hey guys.
Kyle and Darin: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!